I love my new home. It is in a great location, we are in a beautiful home, family is just 1.5 miles away, every grocery store imaginable within 10 minutes, and as a bonus I came across a backyard beekeeper who sells honey and a local dentist/farmer who sells maple syrup from his office. I could go on and on about what I like about here, but it is so hard to settle in right now.
Trying to establish a new home with three little kids running around is not easy. I feel like I'm saying no every minute. My kids' childish playfulness and curiosity looks like an invitation to injury right now (although my second child got a big knot on his head by simply tripping over, not when he was bouncing off the walls). Also, my daughter is really interfering with our sleep and both boys are not exerting control over their bladders. I don't even know what to do about all this anymore. I feel like I've tried everything. I really need some wisdom (and patience) in all of this. Anyway, I feel like I'm micromanaging them and I am weary from their increased defiance.
One day I was so grumpy and snappy that I didn't want to be around myself either. Now, I know that's not good for anyone, which made things worse. I know it is not glorifying to God to be the way I have been behaving, but I felt like I just couldn't snap out of it. Then when I was putting my cookbooks and notebooks back on the shelf (after the toddler finished playing with them -- with my permission), I came across a quote I wrote down about 3 years ago:
"A Christian's inner peace is never based on his ability to take the teachings of Scripture and figure it all out. Our peace always rests on the presence, power, and character of the Lord."*
Then I was able to finally take a sigh of relief. Here I was trying to find peace by behaving a certain way, rather than simply giving God glory for his presence, power, and character, which does not change. My attitude was still sinful, but Christ's grace has the power to forgive me of it and give me a fresh start. It's still hard, but I am reminded that I am not alone, and that God is not against me in all this.
"This is a faithful saying: For if we died with Him, We shall also live with Him. If we endure, We shall also reign with Him. If we deny Him, He also will deny us. If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself. Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers." 2 Timothy 2:11-14
* Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands. Paul David Tripp p.30